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Encountering rejection, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. Someone is declining your work, giving a definite “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced submitting manuscripts 50 years back, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books turned down, along with article pitches and countless short stories. In the last 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the refusals have grown more frequent. Regularly, I receive a rejection frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections over my career exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

However, is this a complaining outburst? Absolutely not. As, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Did I Achieve It?

For perspective: Now, just about every person and others has said no. I haven’t kept score my success rate—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 literary agents declined a book pitch. An editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

In my 20s, all rejections were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my work was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. Why did this occur? How could editors be ignore my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the wrong person? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably mixed with delusion). What will it take you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Great Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine company. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was initially rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was first rejected. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his school team. Most Presidents over the recent history had previously lost campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and bid to star were turned down 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, when I entered my later years, I entered the last step of setback. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the various causes why someone says no. Firstly, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one in progress, or just be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the editor thinks I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Or was too distracted and reviewed my piece too quickly to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an awakening. Any work can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are forever beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be flawed. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my writing style, especially semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a personal story, at 65—and more than 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in magazines big and little, in diverse outlets. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now written to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no features on popular shows, no presentations, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at my age, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What insights have I gained?

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