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Identity: Conkers.

Age: Introduced to the UK over four centuries back.

Appearance: Nature's Labubu.

That can't be accurate. Absolutely. Check out a social media video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them call it “the earth's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on Earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you are definitely out of the loop, aren’t you? Gen Zers are taking to TikTok to film themselves removing conkers from their prickly shells.

What's the reason? Because of the sense of wonder! When you unbox a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Will it be flat? How shiny will it be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Are Labubus big and flat and shiny? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become highly sought-after because they are sold in mystery boxes.

Would someone inform gen Z that they’re doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you do conkers, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to break others' nuts. Wow, really? That’s unusual.

Yeah. Your odds improve if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. Seriously?

Truly. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will compete to grab them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a long set of arcane and bewildering rules?

That's the custom! The King recently awarded the World Conker Championships with three hundred horse chestnuts! At least young people are just recording videos.

Why don’t you know this? Probably, because some schools started banning conkers two decades ago, due to various health and safety fears.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe unboxing conkers just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be more interested in some other hot new youth fads.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called clay crafting that I can describe for you.

Those hobbies are ancient! Let me guess, you boil the needles in cider and then use them to poke each other?

No! OK, calm down. I assumed that all old-people traditions involved some type of aggression, after that horse chestnut game.

This is overwhelming. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Do say: “Social media loves showcasing nut discoveries.”

What to avoid: “This is nuts.”